i am giving up on taking chances, greener grasses, half-empty glasses.

sometimes, we are so dead-set on the need to move forward, move up, or move out, that we never consider the possibility of going back to where we started to ask for directions. there are all of these defining numbers: 6 years of elementary school, 2 years of middle school, 4 years of high school. at 18 you count in America, at 21 you're a real person, 4 years of college. the truth, though, is that so few people ACTUALLY follow these patterns, and even though some of them will happen inevitably, making it to these "milestones" doesn't guarantee some specific amount of knowledge or enlightenment. learning to understand who we are is something we will spend our entire adult life doing. when we search within us to find our happy place, we have to look beyond the automatic "pina colada on the beach" scene. there is something deeper there, and if you listen, you are your own guide to you.

leaving only changes your place on the map- a new mindset can be gained only when you are willing to free yourself and give yourself completely to a new idea; to alter your old beliefs by squeezing in new ways, or pieces of information. sometimes, a search is necessary. we are on the hunt for the missing piece, the answer, or the solution. in my experience, however, we've only ever been searching for ourselves. on the journey to everywhere, you could be sitting quite still if you don't know who you are, and going through the motions is to not truly experience the thrill. if we open ourselves up, we experience new connections, we take more risks...we are given the opportunity to feel awake; alive. but just because you decide to begin, does not mean you are ready to finish. life is not a race.


sometimes, we DO need to move forward, move up, or move out. but sometimes, what we NEED is to go home. this doesn't mean starting over, it means taking the numbers, throwing them the fuck out the window, and allowing yourself to remember that happiness exists at your own pace. and when you're ready, the world will be ready, too. in order to build a new home inside ourselves, we need to remember where we started, and we have to know what we want, what we need. the road to the home within you has no speed limit, and as many stops as you need.