i am giving up on taking chances, greener grasses, half-empty glasses.

sometimes, we are so dead-set on the need to move forward, move up, or move out, that we never consider the possibility of going back to where we started to ask for directions. there are all of these defining numbers: 6 years of elementary school, 2 years of middle school, 4 years of high school. at 18 you count in America, at 21 you're a real person, 4 years of college. the truth, though, is that so few people ACTUALLY follow these patterns, and even though some of them will happen inevitably, making it to these "milestones" doesn't guarantee some specific amount of knowledge or enlightenment. learning to understand who we are is something we will spend our entire adult life doing. when we search within us to find our happy place, we have to look beyond the automatic "pina colada on the beach" scene. there is something deeper there, and if you listen, you are your own guide to you.

leaving only changes your place on the map- a new mindset can be gained only when you are willing to free yourself and give yourself completely to a new idea; to alter your old beliefs by squeezing in new ways, or pieces of information. sometimes, a search is necessary. we are on the hunt for the missing piece, the answer, or the solution. in my experience, however, we've only ever been searching for ourselves. on the journey to everywhere, you could be sitting quite still if you don't know who you are, and going through the motions is to not truly experience the thrill. if we open ourselves up, we experience new connections, we take more risks...we are given the opportunity to feel awake; alive. but just because you decide to begin, does not mean you are ready to finish. life is not a race.


sometimes, we DO need to move forward, move up, or move out. but sometimes, what we NEED is to go home. this doesn't mean starting over, it means taking the numbers, throwing them the fuck out the window, and allowing yourself to remember that happiness exists at your own pace. and when you're ready, the world will be ready, too. in order to build a new home inside ourselves, we need to remember where we started, and we have to know what we want, what we need. the road to the home within you has no speed limit, and as many stops as you need.

it's the good advice, that you just didn't take.

there has to be an i before an us, before a team, before "best friends". we can get lost in anything...and that potential makes it a necessity to have ourselves. when things are one particular way for so long that you don't even remember a time before that, it's time to stop and recollect. you can make that mistake two, even three times, but if you're headed for a fourth, you should realize something: the only time you are capable of doing anything alone is when you're about to fall. success, happiness, growth- all of these things have to be achieved by us each as individuals before they can be significant or valid in a pair or in a group. it's hard to be let down, to have a falling-out, to breakup. there IS room for sadness and repair...but there is not room to put some infinite amount of space between you and your life.

when something ends, there are few things that we should all keep in mind.

one of them is closure. it RARELY happens. people talk about it all of the time; how they need it, how they'll be fine after they have it, what it would take to have some. but the reality is that closure is a seven letter word for "i am not willing to accept that this is over and so i am going to keep making excuses to hang around in case everything fixes itself." yeah. keep on waiting.

the second thing to keep in mind are cliches. everyone is knocking them. the reason there is such a stigma attached to a cliche is because it is a small rhyme or piece of advice that people keep repeating. over. and over. and over. and you are sick of it, because YOU are the exception, there's going to be some huge epiphany, and it's not REALLY over. now, imagine this: the reason you keep hearing it? BECAUSE IT'S TRUE. yeah, we know- it hurts. but there ARE other fish in the sea, time DOES heal all wounds, and it WAS a learning experience.

the third thing is pretty simple- you. an end to an era is the best possible time to rediscover, reinvent, and take notice of yourself. when you go full-circle, you end up here: it is NECESSARY for things to end to remain connected to You; this is when you feel your heart in its truest form- the beginning and the end. and that brings me to number four:
the end is the beginning.