it's all your fault. you NEVER follow directions.
if you would, for once,
just follow these few short guidelines...
(a.) if you like a guy, make sure you pretend that you don't.
(2.) if you're dating a guy, make sure that you only use phrases like "sure," "that's fine," and "no, of course i don't mind that you keep your ex-girlfriend's nude picture by your bed."
(b.) if you date a guy whose overseas ex-girlfriend is coming for a month-long visit to the states to see him, you should assume that he definitely won't sleep with her in this period of time; it's totally normal to go on holiday with your ex while you are seeing someone else.
(g.) if a guy tells you that he's interested and can't wait to see you again, he has clearly stated that he's unsure of what he wants, and by pursuing him you are being completely apathetic to his vulnerable state. you need to be a little bit more considerate and do what he wants when HE is ready.
(7.) when texting a guy, even if he's YOUR guy, make sure that you don't text him unless he texts you first (and even if he does send you that first text, remember that you're annoying and clingy if you dare text him in the next week).
(24.) if a guy smokes a lot, drinks a lot, gambles a lot, or is obsessed with internet porn...you should really not bitch at him or have any type of concern, you're clearly neurotic and unfit to be a decent girlfriend.
(9b.) if your boyfriend tells you that your relationship has to be a secret, you should just trust him; he's totally in love with you and is probably in the FBI- you could blow his cover if you say anything sweet to him in front of others.
(64.) if a guy invites you to watch a movie at his parents house, and they come home in the middle of said movie and he shoves you into his laundry closet, you should really stop freaking out. this is NOT shady at ALL. this happens a lot...and your little claustrophobia episode sort of ruins the first-date excitement.
(c.) if a guy you are intimate with will not kiss you on the lips because he doesn't want you to get attached, you should really stop being so mad at him. instead, thank him! he is SO sweet to realize how much easier it makes things for you to keep sleeping with you and not kiss you.
(q.) if you find an article of women's clothing in your man's apartment and it isn't yours, and he says it belongs to his sister- well, obviously! it is normal for a girl to leave her bra in her brother's room! who are you to be judgmental of the upstate way of life?
i promise, you'll hate me for it later.
so
WAKE. UP.
you're gonna find 100 of these boys, but that's how you'll know when you've found a good man. this frat-boy bullshit will be a distant memory. wait for it, it'll happen.
